I am a 30-year-old single mother of the most wonderful daughter. This 5-year-old keeps balance in my life. After a hard life by choice and chance, I struggle daily.
It seems much easier to turn back to that drug. We all know, once labeled, it still follows you everywhere you go. See, I paid my time, and years later, I still suffer from a judgmental world. Whatever happen to judge ye not for ye be judged or second chances? Then, we as a community wonder why there is so much crime. Those like me have a saying – once in the system, we stand no chance to get out. It’s all we know to do.
Those who turn us down for jobs or never give us a chance just see the truth where we try to be honest about our past.
That one question: Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Seems they will never care or see the big picture. What about the time I hid behind a bush holding my daughter tight to my chest and a judge laughed at me because he couldn’t believe that this tiny man could get drunk enough to throw a couch out the door?
Do you know the hell on earth we have suffered? Carjacked at the age of 18 and raped, robbed, used and abused. Do you know the chief gets a “job well done” for catching a rapist while the victim gets nothing?
Problem after problem, rejection after rejection, I am one of a few who came up with an idea to feed my daughter and pay my bills the honest way. I jumped in and out of trash cans refurbishing items.
Once again, lack of support and stepping on someone’s toes, shut me down. I have raised her the best I can and the best I know how.
Living in this circle of dead end roads. She means the world to me. She has changed my life. She pushes me toward God as he draws me near him daily, because he never gave up on me. He knows I try way too hard and work even harder.
Finally able to return back into the working world. Working sun up, sun down. Never seeing my child.
I began to understand the difference between religion and a spiritual life through my regular guest at work. I grew happier within, I learned to speak up for what was right and what was wrong. I sought hard for this presence. As this new person butterflied, she was promoted. After only three weeks of the promotion, I was wrongfully terminated, still confused why. Was it because I stood for the truth, because I told on the thief or was it because of the things I heard and saw? You said serve it anyway – it was spoiled; it should have gone in the trash. Not served to save a dime or so you can get your bonus. This is somebody’s family.
After losing my job, my daughter and I ended up homeless. Shelters turn me down because I wasn’t on drugs or because I had no money or because I had a kid, or because there is a waiting list. The best one to me was because I wasn’t in an abusive situation.
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and be mad at the world, but I couldn’t. Where were all you at when I really needed you?
A small still voice said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you!” From motel to motel, living life to best of my ability. I sit here finally with a GED after six years of attempts. I finally succeeded. I also just learned I am no God and I am in the palm of his hand and I have no control of over my life – he does. I will tell you this, trusting God isn’t fun or easy. He has never let me down. The wait and struggle are hard, but still in the storm, I know I don’t have to run back to the abuse. I know I am somebody because everyone is somebody.
Candace Danielle White