‘Mom, did you know that sea cucumbers come in herds of thousands?”

How I kept a straight face, I’ll never know.

“Is that so?”

I was cool as a cucumber – of the vegetable variety – even though I was coming apart at the seams inside.

If it wasn’t the most hilarious thing I’d ever heard, the visual I got was, by far, the most bizarre.

It makes sense, though, that a creature with the name of a vegetable that was so ugly it would freeze Medusa, would need to travel in herds for protection. I imagine all the other sea critters would tease them mercilessly.

Still ... a herd? Of sea cucumbers? They couldn’t possibly move fast enough to be considered a herd.

There were once huge herds of bison that covered the Midwest. They were dangerous when startled because they would stampede.

Does a sea cucumber become startled? Ever? And could a mass movement of sea cucumbers be considered a stampede? After all, they don’t rampage as one unit in fear and anger as much as ooze languorously in one direction.

Who knows what might motivate a slug-like vegetable/animal to herd or stampede?

I have dust bunnies that live on my ceiling fans all winter that are motivated by turning the fan on high.

Those dust bunnies don’t arrive in a herd as much as a horde. They fly down by the millions and wander around my carpet until they find a nice place to light.

Dust bunnies may come down in a horde, but after their descent, they are basically solitary creatures. One gobbles up another when they wander into each other’s territory.

One day, after many years, I might look behind my sofa, under a bed or between my washer and dryer, and find dust bunnies that have lived with us so long they have developed a personality.

Once they have a personality, though, it’s immoral to vacuum them up. Much easier when they are just a speck. The question is: If I know they will eventually be full-fledged dust bunnies someday, should I really be vacuuming my specks?

Does PETA involve itself with dust bunny control or sea cucumber stampedes? I have some questions.